I carry this
around with me, day after day:
a dull ache,
in the background
of my
conscious mind. Constantly present.
Sometimes I
get lost within
the complex
tangle of emotions.
Mostly, I dream
of a non-existent ideal.
Then, back to
reality with a violent jolt:
a dark place,
where nothing is right
anymore.
Sometimes the
pain is acute,
and then I anticipate
the tender caress
of the knife’s
sharpened blade.
It is beckoning
– more so than threatening.
I suddenly want
a release:
a way out.
Then I shake
myself out of this selfish insanity.
I just carry
on.
Pick myself
off the floor
once more.
Proceed.