You are damned if you do Botox,
but you’re not allowed
to age.
Lose half your natural body weight,
but not a pound more:
Anorexia’s so last year.
Well, “Hello!”, “OK!”
– d’ya feel the “Heat”?
We’ve had your wedding
pics. And all your kids.
We have been waiting oh-so-patiently.
Our readers love a good divorce.
The end is drawing necessarily
near.
We would love you to have done
hard drugs.
If you switch faiths, that’s
kind of fun –
for about a week.
Then we’re after more.
We want your marriage, dear.
We've hyped up your music.
Then we’ve slated it.
There’s only so much to
say on that.
You’ve only given us one
divorce so far,
in your entire career.
Macrobiotic. Yoga. Kabbalah.
Adopted kids.
We’re running out of
“Material Girl” material.
The end is near. So near. It’s here.