They’re told to watch X-factor, so they do.
They’re atheists who married
in a church.
They almost, nearly have a point
of view,
And read the Daily Mirror, just like you.
Nine in Ten are like them, says
our research.
She does the vacuum cleaning
every day.
They’ll have their second
kid by thirty-five.
Ibiza is their favourite place to stay.
They buy and sell possessions
on ebay.
They get drunk to remember they’re
alive,
Or maybe to forget. Well, they work hard,
So who could claim they haven’t
earned the right
To boozy Friday nights –
in which they’ve starred
Since teenage years which left
them battle-scarred?
They’ve savings, but will
tell you “money’s tight”.
They went to Glastonbury for a laugh
Two years ago. Now they can say they’ve been.
He’ll always drink a pint,
and she a half.
He likes to wave his Man United
scarf.
She "does the gym" to keep her
body lean.
They download music now –
don’t buy CDs.
They like the bands that
it is cool to like.
Her skirts do very nearly reach
her knees.
She can still wear a Ten –
but not with ease.
The Union
tell him when to go on strike.
She must apply make-up before
she can
Put out the wheelie bins. She has her pride.
They have their mortgage, and
their Five-Year Plan.
She’s in the garden, topping
up her tan.
He likes his dead pig breakfast,
duly fried.