We are not from Scottish Power,
or even British Gas.
We wouldn’t drag you
out of the shower
for anything less than
God. And just to let you know
how to achieve Eternal Life…
We are nothing like
the religious group
who called on you last night.
There is one major difference:
They are wrong, and we are right.
Certain substances must be avoided,
like heroin and cups of tea.
Is it worthwhile mainlining –
or enjoying Typhoo or PG –
if, because of that, you cannot
live
with God eternally?
You can stuff your face with
chocolate, crisps –
and Diet Coke is not outlawed.
You can even have some Red Bull
to wash down all that chocolate,
if you’re getting very bored.
You need to be baptised, and
soon.
Your last one doesn’t count:
insufficient water, and you were
too young.
What about the Baptist Church?
You’re being awkward now.
Okay, let’s cut straight
to the chase.
No other church has authority
from God. We do.