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Paula's Poems

A Piece of my Peace of Mind

by Paula Puddephatt

Sharing Polo mints in the afternoon -

immersed in endless daydream sequences,

my heart and mind full of

distorted perceptions,

fresh emotions

and unwanted realities.

 

A piece of the peace of mind that I seek -

that involved you, even though

I wasn't expecting it to.

I didn't realise that the distant past

could still affect me as much

as it does.

I don't want to go back.

It's not about contact -

not any more.

It's more about answers,

closure.

I needed to resolve

some issues in my own mind,

although no-one can find

what or who

doesn't want to be found.

Yet, I have a few answers -

a few almost-answers -

possibilities -

still so many uncertainties.

Is it enough?

Is it too much?

What I found?

What I possibly found?

What I may never know?

Now, can I let go?

I had to know -

or try to know -

something.

Now all I can do

is to whisper, "Goodbye,"

in my own mind,

and decide to let go.

If I was ever going to heal,

somehow it had to start with you -

so now I wish you well in my heart,

wherever you are -

and now I have

some clues as to that,

but I still don't know.

I never really knew

you at all.

Home | Dreams Instead | Twisted Illusions | Suicide Angel | Delusions So Beautiful | Helpless | Too Attached | High on Life | Something's Not Right | Distraction | Lifestyle Choice | See Me Through | And The Cycle Repeats | Worthless | No Reverse | Barbed Wire | Love Wasted | Obsession's Dance | Where are You? | Three Years | Eternal | Conclusion | Confused and Broken | Moving On | Final Spin | Attachment and Obsession | Bluebells for Eternal Friendship | Spirit's Song | My Cousin Rachel | La Mouette | Mary and the Horse Thief | From the East Wing | Persephone | Disordered Mind | Girl in Pink | Tenderness and Lace | No Rhythm, Reason or Rhyme | The Legend of Lucy Lightfoot | Only The Horse | Harsh Lessons | Time | Display | Space of a Year | For Other Survivors | Dreams and Illusions | Space and Away | Autumn Days | Inside My Mind | In Every Breeze | Almost Wondering Why | Scarlet | Sepia | 2012: End of the World? | The Truth From The Lies | Carousel | The "Own Life" Exclusion Clause | Never Was Enough | All Over Again | Colours of Pain | Distant | So Quietly | Before I | One Flower | Liquid Gold | My Words | Analysis | Consequences | Dreaming in Neon | Psychedelic Skies | Dreams | Magnolia | Self-Harm | Revealed | Trust | If I Believe | Moonlit Emotions | Selective Caring | Moments | Plan B | Reasons, Seasons and Private People | Even Now | Words Like | Can't Not | New Start | Pure | Not Mine | Disappointing Daughter | Numbers | Not Spring For Me | You Both | Retreat | Given Choice | Relentless | Sunlight | Artificial | Memories | Night Poems | The Quiet Ones | No-one Hears | All Night | Spiral Staircase in Sepia | Non-directional Days | Trying to Escape | Calm | Empty Cradles | Silver | The Healing Process | Twigs and Leaves | Late Autumn Into Winter | On The Inside, Looking Out | Disappointment | And Now | Star | For Rhiannon | Maybe Baby Pink | Potential | Metaphorically | Bell Jars, Sylvia, Ariadne and Me | Walls | So Much Better When | Sometimes You're Everywhere | Never Pain | Converting Each Hurt | Fade Into | Speak My Mind | Ebony and Blue | Neon and Rainbows | Oak Tree | Dark Days | And That Is All | Almost Safe | So Scared | Parallel Paths | Tesco Clubcard | What They Don't See | Pastel Shades | Imperfect Expressions | Every Day | Your Words | Beyond | A Reason | But I Don't | That You'll Reject Me | Descending Chords | Feels Like The End | Can't Mention | Learning to Fake It | Tell Me Why | The Right Words | Darkened Room | Obsession | Why Can't We? | Beyond "friendsreunited" | Underneath Her Mask | Delusions | Fragile Beauty | Not All About | Enough | Jaded | Black-and-white (with a golden beak) | Magic Beans and Mindless Office Work | Resigned | To Pay the Rent | Autumn | The Kids and Pets Thing | Who is "Everybody", Anyway? | Employment Options: Horses For Courses | Sample Kyrielle | Alternative CV | Spiritual Peace | Not in God's Name | The Highest Perch | Quakers on Pacifism | Knock, Knock | Cash Machines in Walls | Depression | If You Know These Things | Quaker Plain | Shades of Grey | Sellotape and Glue | Devotion | Spirit of the Unicorn | Moonlight Reflected | Insomnia | No Chance | 1993 | Remembering | Games | A Piece of my Peace of Mind | Lime Trees | Yew Trees | Feeding the Ducks | Duck Haiku | Dolphins | Transcending | Perspective | A Certain Stillness | Toco Toucan | Red Roses | Purple Velvet | Links