Paula's Poems

On The Inside, Looking Out

by Paula Puddephatt

I am on the outside

looking in

on the inside

looking out

same difference

stomach churns again

symptoms worsen

and beyond my window

I see them

hear them

try not to resent them

the perfect people

seeming smug

in their own happiness

seeming so content

with their perfect lives

and their perfect children

how do you know

stop judging stop judging

jealousy is an ugly emotion

you don't even know them

you don't know a thing

how do you know

that their lives are so perfect

and why would you wish

for their lives not to be

good anyway

you wouldn't you wouldn't

so easy to resent them

these strangers in the street

who are you hurting

who hurts

when you send out

negative energy

think these bad thoughts

and you don't know

you don't know

that their lives are so perfect

how do you know

what they have been through

are going through

these people

real people

on whom you project

your own inadequacies

your own pain

inner turmoil

neurosis

Home | Dreams Instead | Twisted Illusions | Suicide Angel | Delusions So Beautiful | Helpless | Too Attached | High on Life | Something's Not Right | Distraction | Lifestyle Choice | See Me Through | And The Cycle Repeats | Worthless | No Reverse | Barbed Wire | Love Wasted | Obsession's Dance | Where are You? | Three Years | Eternal | Conclusion | Confused and Broken | Moving On | Final Spin | Attachment and Obsession | Bluebells for Eternal Friendship | Spirit's Song | My Cousin Rachel | La Mouette | Mary and the Horse Thief | From the East Wing | Persephone | Disordered Mind | Girl in Pink | Tenderness and Lace | No Rhythm, Reason or Rhyme | The Legend of Lucy Lightfoot | Only The Horse | Harsh Lessons | Time | Display | Space of a Year | For Other Survivors | Dreams and Illusions | Space and Away | Autumn Days | Inside My Mind | In Every Breeze | Almost Wondering Why | Scarlet | Sepia | 2012: End of the World? | The Truth From The Lies | Carousel | The "Own Life" Exclusion Clause | Never Was Enough | All Over Again | Colours of Pain | Distant | So Quietly | Before I | One Flower | Liquid Gold | My Words | Analysis | Consequences | Dreaming in Neon | Psychedelic Skies | Dreams | Magnolia | Self-Harm | Revealed | Trust | If I Believe | Moonlit Emotions | Selective Caring | Moments | Plan B | Reasons, Seasons and Private People | Even Now | Words Like | Can't Not | New Start | Pure | Not Mine | Disappointing Daughter | Numbers | Not Spring For Me | You Both | Retreat | Given Choice | Relentless | Sunlight | Artificial | Memories | Night Poems | The Quiet Ones | No-one Hears | All Night | Spiral Staircase in Sepia | Non-directional Days | Trying to Escape | Calm | Empty Cradles | Silver | The Healing Process | Twigs and Leaves | Late Autumn Into Winter | On The Inside, Looking Out | Disappointment | And Now | Star | For Rhiannon | Maybe Baby Pink | Potential | Metaphorically | Bell Jars, Sylvia, Ariadne and Me | Walls | So Much Better When | Sometimes You're Everywhere | Never Pain | Converting Each Hurt | Fade Into | Speak My Mind | Ebony and Blue | Neon and Rainbows | Oak Tree | Dark Days | And That Is All | Almost Safe | So Scared | Parallel Paths | Tesco Clubcard | What They Don't See | Pastel Shades | Imperfect Expressions | Every Day | Your Words | Beyond | A Reason | But I Don't | That You'll Reject Me | Descending Chords | Feels Like The End | Can't Mention | Learning to Fake It | Tell Me Why | The Right Words | Darkened Room | Obsession | Why Can't We? | Beyond "friendsreunited" | Underneath Her Mask | Delusions | Fragile Beauty | Not All About | Enough | Jaded | Black-and-white (with a golden beak) | Magic Beans and Mindless Office Work | Resigned | To Pay the Rent | Autumn | The Kids and Pets Thing | Who is "Everybody", Anyway? | Employment Options: Horses For Courses | Sample Kyrielle | Alternative CV | Spiritual Peace | Not in God's Name | The Highest Perch | Quakers on Pacifism | Knock, Knock | Cash Machines in Walls | Depression | If You Know These Things | Quaker Plain | Shades of Grey | Sellotape and Glue | Devotion | Spirit of the Unicorn | Moonlight Reflected | Insomnia | No Chance | 1993 | Remembering | Games | A Piece of my Peace of Mind | Lime Trees | Yew Trees | Feeding the Ducks | Duck Haiku | Dolphins | Transcending | Perspective | A Certain Stillness | Toco Toucan | Red Roses | Purple Velvet | Links